still pending

quick update

2007-09-12T11:35:00.000-04:00

The look of this blog has changed over the past couple of days because I've added a few things. There's a picture of me throwing away a baby before I catch the bus, and if you look to you're left, you'll see that there's some links to other funny peoples sites/blogs. So check those out mutherfuckers. I'm still making some more changes, and the video page will be fixed later on tonight or tomorrow. So check back later on tonight or tomorrow.

Hiatus Over

2007-08-28T14:00:00.001-04:00

If you routinely check this blog...

First, I want to apologize, you know, for all the things that -- that I haven't blogged about. When I said,"I'm gonna write a new post tonight!", I was not being honest and forthright. I am ashamed and totally disappointed in myself to say the least.

I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts and, you know, what I did was, what I did was very immature so that means I need to grow up.

I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to bettering Kojo Mante the blogger, not the person.

I take full responsibility for my actions. For one second will I sit right here -- not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for my infrequent posts.

Irresponsible blogging is a terrible thing, and I didn't reject it.

I'm upset with myself, and, you know, through this situation I found Jesus and asked him for forgiveness and turned my life over to God. And I think that's the right thing to do as of right now.

I offer my deepest apologies to everybody out in there in the world who was affected by my non-blogging situation. And if I'm more disappointed with myself than anything it's because of all the young people, young kids that I've let down, who look at this website. And to have to go through this and put myself in this situation, you know, I hope that every young kid out there in the world reading this blog right now, will use me as an example to why everyone shouldn't have a blog.

Once again, I offer my deepest apologies to everyone. And I will redeem myself. I have to.

I've had a lot of down time since the last post. A lot of time to think about my actions and what I've done and how to make Kojo Mante a better blogger.

Thank you.

recent activity posted here

2007-05-23T14:21:00.000-04:00

sorry about the lack of posting, and schedule updates, but I will be at the DC Improv, with a whole host of other funny people, this coming Tuesday May 29th. If you wanna get tickets just go to www.dcimprov.com and they should be selling them.

Come to the DC Comedy Fest April 12-14th

2007-04-03T12:22:00.000-04:00

There's nothing worse than when Hollywood takes a successful television program and adapts it into a full length feature film. They did it with Dukes of Hazzard, Miami Vice and now there back at it again.

When I saw the previews for "Perfect Stranger" I knew that I had seen enough. This thriller stars Bruce Willis and Halle Berry. Berry plays a journalist who goes undercover to expose Willis, a business man, as her best friend's killer.

None of the elements from the original show are in the movie. It's set in New York instead of Chicago; they got rid of Balki and Larry; and the plot isn't even remotely the same. Perfect Strangers was nominated for 3 emmy's during the 7 years it was on television. That's the kind of success you don't fuck with Hollywood!

I know I'm gonna be banned from every entertainment venue in the counrty for speaking the truth and taking it to "The Machine", but I don't care. It's my life, my dream, nothing's gonna stop me now. (harmonica riff plays then keyboard, roll credits)

Last night at Soho, Jon Mumma's closer made me laugh so hard I cried. Today when I realized that he's never going to do that closer again because it involves breaking the stage, I cried.

All the important information is located in the title.

I gave up blogging for Lent

2007-03-15T13:45:00.000-04:00

Alot has happened since my last post, so lets talk about it. Forest Whitaker and Jennifer Hudson won Oscars, and NBA Allstar Weekend happened in Las Vegas. I think it's safe to say that Black History Month ended in a draw. Oh, and Obama is still articulate.

I'm selling my 12" Apple Powerbook G4. Finding the right computer for your needs can be a long arduous process. So to help speed it up, I've taken the time to answer a few FAQ below.

Will this computer make me cooler?
Yes, this laptop transforms any room you enter into a hip coffee shop that has expensive WI-FI and a guy riffing on jazz bass!

How much memory does it have?
Yes, it will spin straw premises into comedy gold!

You didn't answer my last question.
The first Bible was infact written on this particular machine. So yes, God does prefer a Mac to a PC!

Ok you did it again. Why would I buy this computer if your not going to give me straight answers to my questions?
-Buying this computer will put an end to global warming and the war in Iraq, so yes it is a viable alternative energy source that will get us off our dependence on foreign oil!

If you're interested, you can contact me directly by coming to see me perform live. Bring cash.

If you see Tim Miller, ask to borrow his DVD of Team America World Police. When he gives it to you, give it to me. That way I'll finally get back my DVD of Team America World Police which he borrowed in March of 2006. That's right Tim! Don't think you can borrow something form me and not return it without the 10 people who read this blog finding out about it. Seriously though, can you watch it this weekend and give it back?

Sound the Drumms!!

2007-02-09T09:17:00.000-05:00

The votes have been tallied and the winner of my 1st ever Blog Title competition is STEVE DRUMM (applause)!!!!!! First runner-up/loser honors go to Tyler Richardson (less applause, but still a respectable amount of applause). Thanks to all who participated (Steve and Tyler). Steve, not only will I re-name my last post with your winning title, but I will also buy you a free beer next time we're at Dremo's or Topaz! Steve's submission captured the essence of my blogging habits and that was why the International Blogging while Logging and Oreo Gobbling Syndicate honors you. On behalf of I.B.L.O.G.S., congratulations Steve.

Lazy...(title written by Steve Drumm, Blog written by Kojo Mante)

2007-01-26T10:49:00.000-05:00

Thanks to everyone who came out to The Reef to watch and perform Comedy yesterday. Last night was pretty much the direction that we want to take the show, so if you came out and you enjoyed it, please tell some friends, and we will continue to change it up and do lots of different stuff for ya'll. And I'm aware that this paragragh is only going to cater to 7 people.

I came up with an amazing cartoon jingle while writing this very sentence about amazing cartoon jingles. If anyone knows a really good animator or one of those Pixar guys, send them a link to this blog. This jingle is so innovative that it should probably never be made into an actual show or movie. Claymation will work as well for this idea.

If anyone is looking for a job, I know of a position opening up in early April. The applicant must be professional and have a background in animation or claymation.

Did you notice that this blog has no title?!?! Well thats because my first ever blog title contest begins today! Contestants can submit their blog titles using the comments feature. There is no limit on the number of titles a person can submit. I will then select a winner and repost this same blog with the winning title. The winner will also recieve the title of "Champion Blog Titler". If no one enters this contest, than this was a poor decision on my part.

read this & do it

2007-01-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

There is a new comedy venue that will be starting this Thursday at The Reef on 18th st. in Adams Morgan. The show will start at 9pm and it will be a weekly show, but if you could make it out to this thursday's show, that would be fantastic!!! There will be alot of talented people performing and I promise this will be a great show. Also the second floor of The Reef has some of the most amazing fish tanks in all of Washington DC, and is the sole reason why the city does not have an Aquarium. There are alot of exotic fish and different breeds of coral. I was going to title this blog fishing for comedy, but I decided against it.

someone knows how to hyperlink (not rory scovel)

2007-01-05T20:53:00.000-05:00

If you have a minute, or 3 minutes & 46 seconds, then peep this.

G-bloggin [fan etik spelings in brakits]

2007-01-03T23:09:00.000-05:00

Do you guys notice anything different? Thats right!!! I've just upgraded my blog from the ol' Blogger to a brand new Google Blog!!! What does that mean? I don't [fuki ng] know, but I was forced to do it when I signed on, so I know it's better! Don't worry, I'll still be blogging as infrequently as I did when I was signed to Blogger. I'm just on a new label now [bi ches]! They've got a bigger budget and more street cred. They put the [jē] in
[jē]- mail! I blogs with Google cuz they aint [froōgal doō sh es]!!

Early Christmas for Everyone who goes to the Handlebar this friday 12/22

2006-12-20T00:04:00.000-05:00

With less than 2 weeks left in this year, I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity to perform at some really cool shows. I will be traveling down to South Carolina, w/ Jay Hastings and Rory Scovel to perform at the Handlebar in Greenville, South Carolina this friday. Since only people in DC read this blog, I am asking you guys to spread the good word to friends and family down in the Bible Belt. Purchase tickets to what we promise will be a night to remember. And if it helps you make a decision, I think Jesus is coming. You can buy tickets online at www.handlebar-online.com. Also on New Years Eve, go to the Baltimore Comedy Factory. I will be performing with Doug Powell and T-Rexx. Jesus is coming to this show also.

2006-12-12T09:32:00.000-05:00

It's 9:30 and I've already been at work for an hour. I've already visited all the websites that I normally go to and I still have 8 1/2 hours to kill. Whoever's reading this, if you know of any good websites that aren't porn-related where I can go and kill some time, please e-mail them to me, or leave the link as a comment. Together we can solve my boredom.

I shouldn't be allowed to blog

2006-12-05T10:42:00.000-05:00

After 3 months, I've finally got internet access at work and now have time to answer some of the thousands of fan letters that I recieve daily.

This one's from Donovan in Philly:

"Hey Kojo,

whats going on? I just wanted to let you know that I think you're hilarious, have an amazing arm and a good feel for the pass rush while in the pocket. We should hang out some time and play chess."

Donovan, I think you've made a mistake. You're thinking about Kojo Nnamdi. I only play chess by myself in abandoned parks.

This one's from Micheal Dicks in LA:

"Kojo,

50 years ago, you'd be hanging upside down with fork up your ass!!!!"

Micheal, I think you've made a mistake. You're probably thinking about Kojo Nnamdi... wait nevermind.

My producer's telling me that we have time for one more. This ones from Comcast in Washington D.C.

"If payment is not recieved by noon friday, we will disconnect your high-speed internet connection. Please respond immediatly to prevent any interuption with your service."

Comcast, that's an unusual name. Russian? Anyways, to answer your question, YES it is your lucky day! I will be performing in your area soon. Thanks for the support.

If you live in Arlington, come out to the Arlington Cinema n' Drafthouse this friday dec. 8th at 9:45pm. I will be performing there with Doug Powell and Justin Schlegel. But you can only come if you live in Arlington. If you live in DC or MD, then you have three days sell your house, pack your things and move to Arlington. Once you've done that, then you can come to the Arlington Cinema n' Drafthouse on friday to watch the show.

Video clips are no-longer coming soon, they're here!!! click on the video page to check them out. And yes I realize that I just wrote about what's going on on my website on the blog that's already posted on my website.

I was in a gas station last friday, and I wanted to break a $20 so I could use the change to ride the metro. Unfortunatly, the station wasn't equipped to break a $20 without first purchasing $19 worth of merchandise. So I stormed out angry with a crisp $20 in my pocket. As I'm walking out, a homeless man asks me for change. It turns out the BP was just looking out for priority #1. The customer. Thanks BP. You guys really are Beyond Petrolium.

(comments in parentheses)

2006-11-22T10:01:00.000-05:00

Nothing gets you ready for some turkey like a good ol' fashioned blog chalked full of news and comedy stuffing. Alot has happened since I last blogged. Control of The House and Senate has shifted, causing a former Seinfeld cast member to become racist. But more importantly, I've since eaten at Subway eight times and am happy to report that me and chicken bacon ranch are now on better terms. Man, Black people sure like blogging about chicken and bacon! (people are tired of hearing racial stereotypes, but they sure aren't tired of reading 'em!)

Congratulations to Andy Haynes for paying back the $14 he owed me in the form of a $11 Yuengling at his DC Improv open mic victory after party last night. If he hadn't have won I would have never seen that money again. Andy never payes people back, instead he uses his money to purchase five button v-neck sweaters made of t-shirt material. (It's a really nice garment.)

Some changes will be going down on this site within the next week. Most notably, "VIDEO coming soon!", will be replaced with actual video, and there will be a schedule on my schedule page, but the one posted below should do for now. Man, Black people sure are lazy when it comes to learning the required html code to update their websites! (callback to an earlier comment!)

November 24: Hyatt in Baltimore w/ Jon Mumma & Justin Schlegel
December 8: Arlington Cinema Drafthouse w/ Doug Powell & Justin Schlegel
December 15: Warehouse Next Door Non-Denominational Christmas Poonanza
December 22: HandleBar Greenville, SC w/ Jay Hastings & Rory Scovel
December 30: Hyatt Hotel Bethesda, MD w/ other funny people
December 31: Baltimore Comedy Factory w/ Doug Powell & T-Rexx

Take that Google calendar

Saturday Evening Post

2006-11-04T22:22:00.000-05:00

I had a 12" chicken bacon and ranch sub from Subway today. If you are thinking about buying this sandwich and spending the extra dollar for "double meat", don't. Cause the result is you sick at home writing a blog on a saturday night. Nothing good comes from eating 12" of undercooked chicken sub, with double meat.

Reflection Internal

2006-10-26T00:20:00.000-04:00

Each day I sit in my cubicle staring at my computer waiting for inspiration to strike. And when it does, I write a premise down. I'm good at writing premises down. The problem comes after that, when it comes time to develop that premise into a joke. For the past two months I've had thirty to forty joke premises that I've been trying to figure out. Writing is one of the most important things that goes into comedy, and that’s the part that I take the least seriously. I write premises all the time, but often won't take the time to expand them into jokes. Now, I will be working on developing my premise page, into a joke book.

What’s the difference between Black people and White people? I perform this way in front of Black people and that way in font of White people. At least I did when I started out. I've been doing comedy for about 19 months now and I'm just now starting to get comfortable in my own skin. I truly believe that if you're funny, then you can be funny to anyone regardless of race, creed or color. And if you're confident and stay true to what you believe is funny, then you won't ever have to pander to the crowd. The greatest comics, and the ones that I respect, are the same offstage, as they are on it. They're just themselves, and you relate to them because they're real, genuine people. It doesn't matter if they're material is "Black" or "White". A year and a half in, I see where I am, and I know where I want be.

Lastly, congratulations to Doug Powell for releasing his comedy cd this week and also advancing to the finals of the Arlington Cinema Drafthouse Comedy Competition. Watching Doug on stage inspires me to be more creative with my writing and the way that I approach my comedy. He is also a Chicago Bears fan, and the sole reason that they've gone undefeated thus far.

Video will be up on this website early next week, and I will also be adding on a few other surprises. So check back for that, and thanks for stopping by.

this one's pretty dumb

2006-10-16T22:13:00.000-04:00

I promised all three people who read my blog that i would write some humor today. Well rigth now I've got writers bloc and i'm watching MNF. also i dont feel like spelling words correctkly or using grammar. The guy living on my couch will provide some keywords for this blog. tonight, Ricardo's key words are, bus, stool and cupcake. aslo i wil be typing left handed. here we go.

I rode the bus today for the first time since 9/11/01. that was the day that I rented and watched the movie Speed. Life has to go on. i brought a sub (bonus points for using words that spell keywords backwards) on the bus. You are not aloud to eat on the bus unless you bring enough for everyone. thats why Subway invented the 12 foot sandwich. I always come prepared. unless your talking about dessert. there were no 12 foot cupcakes on this bus ride. A bus ride to the land of Giant cupcakes. After a long journey we arrived at our destination. we were greeted by a sign that read, "He who loots in the land of Giant cupcakes shall stew in a cell". (Bonus points for the third word of the sentence in quotations)

So don't stool, i mean steal, from the Giant in Columbia Heights, cuz they prosecute all shoplifters. But if you do steal, make sure you take enough "evidence" to share with everyone on the bus ride home.

Thanks

2006-10-15T22:52:00.000-04:00

I just finished my first week of hosting at the DC Improv, and I'd like to thank everyone who made it out to the shows. All the crowds were great and I had alot of fun. I'd also like to thank the staff at the DC Improv for giving me the opportunity to host at their club. If you ever get the chance, go see Daniel Tosh and Kevin Williams live. You won't be sorry. I'll post something funny tomorrow, but right now i'm going to finish watching The Wire. Also I will have video and new pictures coming to this website by the end of this week.

Paragragh segues

2006-10-09T21:30:00.000-04:00

In an effort to transition from bit to bit more seamlessly on stage, I'm going to start using segues more frequently in my everyday life. If it works, it would be quite the accomplishment.

Speaking of accomplishments...

Doing in three days, what most people do in two is quite an accomplishment. This past weekend the laundry list included doing laundry, cleaning my entire apartment excluding bathroom and bedroom, borrowing and watching two dvds, going to Rite Aid, writing this blog, watching the Redskins eat a fat one at Giant Stadium, and doing laundry again. Three day weekends are good even if they come at the expense of Italian explorers killing a whole bunch of brown people.

Speaking of killing brown people...

If you think Hip hop is dead, listen to Sleepy Brown's and Lupe Fiasco's new albums. If that doesn't change your mind, then your probably bad at liking good music, and no one is gonna wanna talk to you on your cell phone.

Speaking of which...

When your cell phone doesn't work in your apartment, and your contract just ran out, its like winning a raffle where the prize is switching over to Verizon. I think there might be a Verizon store in downtown Washington DC at 1140 Connecticut Ave. NW.

No wait, that's the DC Improv address...

But if you've got the opportunity, get out to the DC Improv this week. I will be hosting for Daniel Tosh who is very funny. And all the shows are free, if you have a friend that buys your tickets and your two item minimum.

Hosting at the DC Improv Oct. 10-15 for Daniel Tosh

2006-10-05T17:52:00.000-04:00

God aborts a baby angel when a good open mic dies

2006-09-22T12:33:00.000-04:00

I've heard it takes about 18 months for a new open mic comedy show to get its legs on the ground, gain momentum and start running. Seaton Smith was able to do that at Bossa Lounge in less than a year. This open mic consistently showcases a range of talented comics, all at different points in their careers.

Last night's show was no different, except there were 9 or 10 very talented comics who were not able to perform due to time constraints. The management at Bossa insists that this weekly show end at 10:30pm, even though it often starts around 9:15. They do this because an empty room used for nothing at all, generates more business than an entertained crowd that buys drinks.

Unfortunatly last night may have been the last show in Bossa's 16 month run. Not only is Bossa a great venue to perform, but it also increases awareness for newer rooms like Rendezvous. This is one instance where I believe the right choice is the one which generates the most revenue. Hopefully the management at Bossa will run their business, like a fucking business.

The Post after the Maiden Post

2006-09-13T22:56:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna try to drop a new post once a week on tuesdays. Kinda like No Limit Records did with LP's back in '98. So since its wednesday night, we're off to a great start!!!

If you have an occupation where 99% of your day consists of surfing the internet, and you don't yet have access to the internet at your work station, than its ok to take a nap at work. This is a rule that I just made up. I will be testing it tomorrow. If I don't have a job next week, than I'll know that the US Government does not enforce rules that I make up and post on this blog.

I've learned alot about doing comedy the past few days, without actually doing comedy. Thanks to The Comedians of Comedy show at the Blackcat Theater which was great and the interview with Patton Oswalt which was effin amazing. I don't curse for the kids.

I haven't payed my internet bill in a couple of months ever since it jumped from $19.99 to $59.99. But I've consistently been paying my cable, since the amount that they charge me monthly for cable has stayed consistent. This is my way of protesting non-violently. Today Comcast took action by cancelling my HBO and Showtime, but leaving my internet on. I also still recieve all other cable channels that I pay for. Comcast is like the parent that punishes you, by sending you to your room without letting you watch the new season of The Wire, but forgets that your room is equipped with high speed internet, so you can download wonderful things at lightning fast speeds while on punishment. Thanks Comcast!!! You're Comcastic!!!

Its ok to not pay your yearly federal or state taxes if you tell people how awesome this blog is. If you try this, and next year you end up in federal prison, than refer back to paragragh two of this awesome blog post.

Monster in the Living Room

2006-07-30T04:02:00.000-04:00

Andrade, lets finish this effin site tomorrow!!!!